It breaks my heart. It really does. Its like a minefield, you gotta avoid stepping on the mines otherwise you’re fucked. But with us, there was no minefield. It was a flat field and it is just us walking down it because nothing could ever stop us :) I have only tried my best for you and I always will because you deserve the best. I try to be perfect for you but the truth is, is that Im not perfect. In the end, I have so many faults as a person, friend and even as your boyfriend. You however, help me develop and you mold me to a perfect man for you and I only want you. Making you smile is one of the most beautiful things ever and makes my heart beat harder every time I see it cause you got such a beautiful smile :) I know yesterday was OUR day. No doubt I was so excited for that upcoming day. I couldn’t sleep as well and those nights that I stayed up with you u so late was because I was so excited to not only hear that charming voice of yours again, but to see you physically, in my arms again with both of our smiles gazing upon each other, as if the world stood still for that moment of union. However, being sick was not part of THAT day and thats when we both changed. Yesterday wasn’t our yesterday anymore. As soon as that hit me, I was torn, disturbed and disappointed. Seeing how infuriated you were especially when you told me the day before that, how pissed you would be if that day wasnt ours, added on and I preyed that nothing would ever happen for that day. I guess this time, I had lost. Lost for you. Here I am sitting in bed thinking about you. Thinking about us again as I have finally returned. But I dont think I could speak up for you at this point on. Who knows, maybe you dont even care about this anymore. It could be temporary or not. I cant read your mind sometimes, and thats what makes you unique as youre so unpredictable. I am trying my everything for you but when it comes to you being disappointed especially to me , its difficult to continue, but I dont care Ill keep trying because I know we always pull through in the end and you’re all worth it. I know you tell me how you put everyone above you, and I hope you know I put you above me. No matter what.
I love you